Home Sickness

Home sickness is probably one of the worst distress one could have. There is no solution to it other than being in the presence of one's home. For many people who are suffering from home sickness are usually the ones who cannot escape their circumstances to return home. I for one know exactly how that feels.

I immigrated to Canada nearly 6 years ago and since then I've visited my home country 4 times. I am 18 years old and I lived in Taiwan until I was 10. I spent more than half of lives living there. I suppose it would have been easier if I never returned home in the first place like some of the people I know who have done so. They have a much better time with their current lives knowing that going home isn't an option, and I envy them.

I've been homesick ever since I moved to Canada. Every minute of the day, my mind is constantly being occupied by memories of my time in Taiwan. I may not always think of them, but I know these flashbacks hangs in the back of my mind. It's scary thing to let your mind wonder, sometimes I deliberately let myself explore my past memories, only to come back to reality realizing that I'm not actually there. This could happen anytime of the day, any day of the week, any week of the year. I try not to think about them, for once I see these images inside my head, my emotion runs freely. It's embarrassing to admit but I just might break down in the middle of the day because of how much I miss my home.

This is something hard to admit to people as well. It puts them in an awkward situation because there is no way of consulting someone who is suffering from home sickness; and those who suffers knows that. Is there really a nice way to tell people that you feel like you don't belong here? that right here right now is not where you want to be? that 90% of the time all you think about is going home?

Ah going home... I refuse refer to Canada as my home. Don't get me wrong, I don't hate Canada, I don't hate living in this country. I just hate the fact that I am so far away from my real home. As much as much as love what this country has to offer, I think everyone who came from a different place can assure you that there is no where on this Earth more beautiful than home.

I don't want sympathy, I don't want pity, and I especially don't want to hear 'Of course you do belong here!' If anything, that makes me even more upset than I would be. Don't try to deprive my definition of home from me, don't try to convince that Canada could be my home. I don't know when will I truly get over this sickness that I've been suffering for years. Perhaps I should stop visiting every once or two years. But I know that it'd only drive me insane. I don't know what my future holds, I just hope I'm still proudly telling people that Taiwan is my home.